If you ever look around your home and wonder how you ended up with so much stuff, you're not alone. Every year, we buy more things than ever before, often without thinking twice. But why do we keep shopping for things we don't really need? From feeling down and needing a quick mood boost, to trying to keep up with trends, to dreaming about our perfect future selves, there are so many reasons why we shop.

In this post, I want to explore what drives us to buy things we don't need, look at the true cost of our shopping habits, and share the things I do to help me curb my shopping. 

Why we shop

Shopping in modern society has evolved far beyond meeting basic needs, it has transformed into a complex behavioral pattern that reflects our deepest psychological needs, hopes, and dreams. When we buy things (whether it's clothes, gadgets, or home decor) we're often participating in an intricate dance of identity formation, emotional coping, and social signaling that reveals much about our inner worlds.

• Outside factors - First off, you are fighting an uphill battle, so be kind to yourself. I have a background in design and product management and we are trained to use things like human psychology to help companies sell their products and services. Everything is designed and marketed with sales in mind. Your consumption habits are largely because companies understand what I'm about to share, in addition to lowering the barriers to purchasing (like easy returns, one-click purchases, paying in installments, next day delivery, and more).
• Identity - At its core, much of our shopping behavior is tied to how we want to be perceived. We use possessions as a shorthand to communicate who we are (or who we want to be) to both others and ourselves. The things we own and buy help us signal our values, interests, and aspirations to the world around us. Whether conscious or unconscious, many of our purchasing decisions stem from a desire to express and reinforce our chosen identities, effectively using material goods as building blocks in the ongoing construction of our public and private selves. Heartbreakingly, a lot of people buy stuff in order to signal their worth. In our money-focused society, many people confuse worth and net-worth, this often means that brand-name items are put on a pedestal as they superficially convey riches.
• Society and belonging - Humans are social animals so there is also a deep need to belong, the identities we create and the things we surround ourselves with are rooted in our fundamental need for acceptance and connection. Many people, driven by a fear of judgment or social isolation, carefully align their purchases with the preferences of their desired social groups. This is often referred to as "keeping up with the Joneses." It's why trends take hold, it’s an easy way to belong. Gifts also fall into this category, we use them to strengthen our relationships and once again, create a stronger sense of belonging.
• Emotions - Shopping often serves as a coping mechanism for various emotional states. It offers a temporary escape from life's challenges and uncertainties. Rather than sitting with uncomfortable feelings, many turn to retail therapy as a way to silence inner discomfort. This also shows the human tendency to seek external solutions for internal needs, whether those needs are for love, respect, or happiness. The act of shopping gives us a momentary distraction and even has that illusive promise of finding an item that might solve our emotional struggles.
• Insecurities - I think we are all too familiar with the role of marketing, advertising, and now social media, in how we perceive ourselves. Our insecurities are constantly being exploited to get us to buy things, and new insecurities are constantly being created. While perfectly curated images were once limited to magazines and television, they now reach us through highly targeted content delivered directly to our phones. What makes this particularly insidious is how these messages are often packaged as coming from "people just like us," except with filters and curation. This creates a constant stream of impossible standards and manufactured needs, promising that happiness and success are always just one purchase away.
• The fantasy self - One of the most powerful drivers of shopping is our idealized future self. We often purchase items not for who we are, but for who we imagine we could become or what kind of things we might do. This shows up in two ways: 1) The future self, where you buy things for an imagined life in the far future (like resort wear for a fantasy vacation) or 2) The curated self, where you collect items that align with aspirational identities (such as eco-friendly products as an environmentally conscious person you wish to become). These purchases reflect our hopes and dreams for personal transformation.
• Lack of clarity - A lack of clarity about our true desires and needs often causes impulsive shopping behavior. When we're uncertain about what we genuinely want or need in life, we become more susceptible to purchasing random items that don't align with our actual lifestyle or values. This uncertainty creates a void that we attempt to fill through buying stuff we “might need.”
• The thrill of the hunt - Shopping taps into primitive gathering instincts, providing a visceral satisfaction. We were hunters and gatherers after all. I’ve listed a bunch of deep reasons, but sometimes it’s not that deep: shopping can simply be fun. There's an undeniable excitement in finding a good deal, and the dopamine rush of getting something new and shiny is hard to pass up. This behavior connects to our ancestral programming to collect resources for future use, making shopping a great solution for combating boredom and seeking stimulation.
• FOMO - The Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO) is a powerful psychological driver in shopping behavior, particularly in relation to limited-time offers and perceived scarcity. This anxiety about potentially missing out on a great deal (sales are particularly bad) can override rational decision-making. This leads to impulsive purchases driven more by fear of regret than actual need or desire.
• The Diderot Effect - The Diderot Effect is a “law” that states that obtaining a new possession often creates a spiral of consumption that leads to additional purchases. This spiral occurs as people try to maintain a sense of unity or consistency in their possessions, leading to an expanding web of interconnected purchases that can extend far beyond the initial item. For example: you buy a new couch and you may want to buy a new coffee table, and new pillows, and a new throw, and new artwork, until suddenly you’ve done a whole home makeover. Or you buy a bike and suddenly you’ve done a makeover in the garage. This effect shows how a single purchase can cause a broader pattern of consumption.

These reasons why we shop aren't separate boxes, they blend into each other. The way we try to fit in overlaps with our insecurities, which connects to how we imagine our future selves, and all of this ties into wanting others to see us in a certain way. Understanding how these pieces work together can help us make better choices about what we buy and why.

The real cost of shopping

“The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it” - Henry David Thoreau

Shopping costs us much more than just money. When we buy something, we're also spending our time looking for it, our energy dealing with it, and our space storing it. Our homes get cluttered, our minds get stressed, and yes, our bank accounts take a hit. Things are becoming cheaper both in price and in quality, yet we are spending more money than ever before. But it's not just about us, every item out there takes something from the planet and how livable it is. Things need to be made, shipped around the world, and eventually thrown away. And here's the thing most of us forget: almost everything we throw away sticks around on Earth forever.

Looking out my apartment window, I can see into my neighbors' homes (I try not to look, but sometimes I can't help it), and I see spaces packed with things, slowly filling up more. I see the dumpster near my building filled with perfectly good household items at the end of every school year (I live in a college town). When any type of holiday rolls around, shops fill up with items for the occasion, I don’t believe they sell out, yet I’ve never seen last year’s valentines day decorations available the following year. Many stores are ordered to destroy their stock when they stop selling it, meaning it will most definitely end up in landfill. 

Every time we buy something new, we're telling companies to make more. Until we start buying less, they'll keep making more and more, thinking "if we make it, people will buy it." But our planet can't handle all this stuff forever, and I’m pretty sure your time, energy, space, and money can be spent on better things too. Let’s look at some strategies to shop less.

How to stop buying stuff you don’t need

These are the ways I approach shopping and significantly reduce buying things I don't really need.

1. Avoid temptation - Avoiding stores will only get you so far, but it is always a helpful place to start. The less time you spend browsing shops (online and in real life) and social media the less likely you are to buy things you don't need. If you don't see it, you probably won't think you need it.
2. Wait it out - When you want to buy something, sleep on it. Leave it in your online cart or come back to the store at a later date. You might find that a cooling off period makes you realize you don’t really need it.
3. Sales - Before buying something on sale, ask yourself if you would want it at full price. If not, it's probably not worth buying at all.
4. Check your mood - Before you buy anything, think about how you're feeling. Are you calm and thinking clearly, or are you upset, stressed, or excited? Your emotions can make you buy things you don't really want or need.
5. Think of alternatives - Before buying something new, check if you already own something that does the same or similar job. Sometimes you might not need to buy anything at all to solve your problem.
6. Use boredom creatively -  Instead of buying new things when you're bored, try being creative with what you have. Rearrange your furniture, try wearing your clothes in different ways, or find new uses for things you already own.
7. Think long-term - Buy things as if you'll have to keep them forever. Think about what will happen to the item when you're done with it. Is it well-made? Will it last? Can it be recycled or will it end up in a landfill? If that doesn't work, buy things as if they are 20x more expensive, because everything you buy should be a considered purchase. 
8. Visualize - Before buying something, imagine it in your home, wardrobe, or life. Think about where you'll put it, how you'll take care of it, and if it really fits with your other things.
9. Be very selective - Get really picky about what you bring into your life. Think about every detail: how it looks, what it's made of, how you'll use it, and why it matters to you. Even then, ask yourself if you really need another thing in your space.
10. Keep a wishlist - Start a wishlist of things you think you want. You can also make a list of requirements something has to meet before bringing it into your life. Really do your research for each item. If something isn't on your list, or doesn’t meet your requirements, you probably don't really need it. Remember that there was a time when you didn't even know an item existed, and you were fine without it. 
11. Create clear boundaries - Make rules about your shopping: Don't shop late at night, avoid certain stores that tempt you to overspend, only buy things you absolutely love, and set limits on trendy items. Return anything you don't completely love, no exceptions (but try not to buy to begin with). 
12. Shop carefully online - When shopping online, pretend there are no returns and no fast shipping. This helps you think more carefully about what you're buying.
13. Understand your needs  - When you feel like shopping, stop and ask yourself what you're really trying to get. As you’ve read earlier, often there's something deeper behind wanting to buy something new. We often try to fix our problems (like boredom, sadness, insecurity, or disappointment) by buying stuff. Try to figure out what your mind thinks this purchase will really give you. I call this “simplify before you buy.” 
14. Ask important questions - Before buying something, ask yourself: Is this just trendy right now? Did I only start liking it after seeing it everywhere? Did I want this before I saw it in the store? Will this actually work in my life, or does it only look good in the store display? What am I willing to get rid of to make room for this?
15. Consider the full cost - Remember that everything you buy costs more than just money. It takes your time and energy to maintain it. Buying one thing might mean you can't afford something more important later.
16. The “signature” mindset - This is not about fashion, this is about being content with repetition. Instead of feeling like you're always wearing, doing, or eating the same, change your mindset and see these things as your “signature” look/dish/scent/lipstick/bag/anything. Most people see you as having a certain style, or know you for a specific item, so instead of feeling like it’s boring, see it as a personal trademark. 
17. Self-love - This is really the end-all-be-all. It’s also the most difficult one: if you love and accept yourself fully, 90% of our reasons to shop melt away. When you feel good about who you are, you don't need to buy things to feel better. Loving yourself is the most powerful thing you can do today.

These strategies aren't about never buying anything again, they're about making better choices that serve you, your wallet, your space, your time, and the planet. While some of these ideas might feel challenging at first, starting with just one or two can help you build a healthier relationship with shopping and lead to more mindful decisions about what you bring into your life.

My recommendations 

I buried the lead on my favorite way to reduce shopping: I cycle through a list of documentaries that instantly put me off shopping, another win is that it helps with boredom!

• The True Cost - One of my favorite documentaries about fast fashion. Even though it’s about fashion, it really applies to all items being made
• The Story of Stuff - This 20 minute video came out 15 years ago and is just as relevant today
• Sweatshop: Deadly Fashion - A reality tv style documentary where Norwegian influencers work in an H&M factory and have a terrible time. Keep in mind, this was filmed in 2014 and these factories were okay with people filming in there, so what does that mean for the factories where they don’t let people film
• Why Nothing We Buy Feels Good Anymore - An excellent video essay on the state of consumerism
• Buy Now: The Shopping Conspiracy - A Netflix documentary about how we get tricked into buying so much stuff

Final thoughts

The thing about shopping is that we should be holding ourselves to higher standards. It’s not about depriving yourself, it's about making conscious choices that align with your values and respect both your own resources and our planet. Just because we can pay for something, have the space to store something, and don’t see where our things go when we don’t want something anymore, doesn’t mean we should ever buy with disposability in mind. 

Think of every purchase as a long-term commitment, buy the best you can afford, and buy as if you will keep and use an item forever, just like our ancestors did.