This is an introduction for those new to my work, a confirmation to those already familiar, and guiding principles for myself. A manifesto of sorts.

I am all about using simplification to build a calm, confident, dream life, both internally and externally. In this second part —of two— I want to share the term I have come to use to describe my methods and vision for the internal: Slow Success

Let me walk you through how I came to using Slow Success to describe the more intangible aspects of my lifestyle. 

Hustle culture origin story

I spent most of my adult life living and working in what Wikipedia calls the global center for high technology and innovation: Silicon Valley. It’s the home of Apple, Facebook, Google, and so many more. Silicon Valley is to software engineers what Hollywood is to actors, it’s where you go to make it big. The idea is that you either join an “early stage” startup and ride the wave of success with them, or you start your own business, and make it that way. Or you join a big company, get a big paycheck, lots of benefits, and hope to start your own business on the side.

Whether you start a company or join one, one of the most common expectations/hopes is that you succeed quickly and often at any cost (as long as it’s not financial). While “Move fast and break things” is no longer Facebook’s motto, the essence of this sentiment is still very much a part of the culture and mindset of the tech industry.

It makes sense, to be able to get a company to make millions within just a couple of years, you have to move fast, work hard, be agile, and if that means breaking stuff along the way, well, you’ll take care of that when it happens. 

When you live in a place that draws a certain type of person (incredibly smart, scrappy, willing to do what it takes) you end up being surrounded by a certain mindset and you start questioning your own way of looking at the world.

People were prepared to give up comfort, quality, health, and living life, to make millions. There was the assumption that once they had made their millions they could live life in peace. I know this is not unique to Silicon Valley, but this is how I first came into contact with “toxic productivity.”

Toxic productivity for success

Toxic productivity is defined as overworking at the expense of other facets of your life. It's a mindset that manifests as the need to constantly “do.” You may feel that you can't rest or take any downtime. 

Even though I was surrounded by toxic productivity, I was not prepared to give up comfort, quality, health, and living life, to make millions. Over time though, I became ashamed of my mindset. I started questioning whether I was working hard enough. In a world of overnight success stories, I wanted success on my own terms, work at my own pace, and most importantly, while being as comfortable as possible. 

If you’ve spent any time on the achievement and productivity side of the internet, you’ve probably come across the notion that success is not possible without hustle and discomfort. People in this space often say: “If you’re not uncomfortable— you’re not growing.” This is true, growth is uncomfortable, it just took me and my fried nervous system a long time to understand that this doesn’t mean you have to be uncomfortable 24/7.

It made me start thinking about the language around success and productivity. It can come across as very all-or-nothing. There’s a glorification of pain, sacrifice, and discomfort, but a disdain for comfort, ease, and joy. 

While this is motivating to some, it can be downright paralyzing to others (especially to over-achievers and perfectionists). I, for one, had started wondering whether I maybe wasn’t ambitious or that I maybe didn’t want to succeed, because this language was exhausting to me.

Defining success

Maya Angelou’s definition of success: “Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” A definition I could get behind. It doesn’t look like turning into a stressed, exhausted, paralyzed mess is a requirement for success.

The funny thing is that if you use her definition, a lot of the people who would generally be labeled as “successful” might not fit the bill so much. This is because most often, success is measured slightly more “superficially,” in status and financial terms. 

Status and finances are most visible (At least the parts that people choose to show). The easiest way to recognize success. It’s much easier to tell someone’s status from their job title, or finances from the house they just bought, than trying to figure out how much they like what they do (although some people’s LinkedIn posts beg to differ).

Success is also about achieving goals. The accomplishment of an aim or purpose. These can be about finances or status, but also about making a difference, leaving a legacy, or all of the above. 

Liking yourself, what you do, and how you do it, is a lot of work. It goes deep. It means rejecting what has been modeled to you by society and creating your own rules. Doing that while you’re hustling, can be a tough balancing act. A lot of people will only start doing this kind of inner work after achieving their goals (or after burning out in the pursuit of their goals).

But what if you want to reach your goals while liking yourself and how you do it? Oh yeah, and not burning out in the process.

Even though I didn't feel like I was "doing enough" to be considered ambitious, I still had dreams and goals I wanted to achieve (both “superficial” and “deep”), just not at any cost. 

I wanted a term that could embody the way I want to live and succeed: Gradually but definitely. Never rushing, always taking care of myself. Feeling confident in my decisions and ambitions. Never letting other, potentially arbitrary, definitions of success and hard work draw me off-course.

Slow success

I love the slow movement, a cultural movement which advocates slowing down the pace of human life. It can be found in food, fashion, cinema, consumption, parenting, traveling, and so much more. It’s living with intention and meaning.

When I was looking for terms to encompass how I want to live my life and do my work, slow productivity felt like the obvious choice. Slow productivity is defined as working at a slower pace on fewer tasks at a time, to increase workplace productivity and satisfaction. It’s a way to actually be more productive without burning out. It achieves what toxic productivity tries, but usually fails, to achieve.

Slow productivity didn’t fully cover what I felt though, it’s more of a how than a what. Slow living was next: reclaiming time and tranquility to make meaningful connections–with people, with culture, with work, with nature, with our own bodies, and minds. This is exactly what I strive for, but it was missing one final touch. Something that feels like it’s not allowed to be part of that list: ambition. 

This is where Slow Success comes in. It's less practical than slow productivity, but more ambitious than slow living. It allows for flexibility in life. It gives space to modulate your pace instead of having to artificially keep up at breakneck speed.

Slow Success also allows us to properly recognize the small, incremental milestones that we too often brush off because they’re not “big” enough, even though they are absolutely crucial to build up any long-term success.

Just like with Luxury Minimalism I’m using these terms in an attempt to make clear what I am, and what I am not, talking about. 

I am talking about: quality, intention, abundance, dreams, ambition, self care, self love, confidence, small steps, lots of rest, connection, becoming your best self, slow productivity, and comfort. 

I am not talking about: success at any cost, speed, rushing, getting stuff done faster to be able to do more, hustling, doing it all, optimizing everything, multitasking, squeezing every minute out of every day. I am also not talking about rejecting success or seeing ambition as something unaligned.

Here’s my attempt at a definition:  

Slow Success - The quiet, deliberate pursuit of goals and ambitions at a measured pace, prioritizing quality, self-care, and personal fulfillment over speed and sacrifice.

Slow Success in the context of Refine

 Now we’ve got the definition and how I got there. But what does that mean in practical terms? What kind of topics can you expect from me when I talk about Slow Success?

• Productivity 
• Self care
• Ambition and achievement
• Rest
• Confidence

This is the “invisible” side of life, what’s going on, on the inside. I believe the external and internal are inextricably linked. Take care of your surroundings and you take care of your mind, take care of your mind and your surroundings will flourish. 

In part one of this post I talk about the external side of what I do, which I am calling “Luxury Minimalism” CLICK HERE TO READ IT