Gift giving season is upon us (and for some people, it’s always gift giving season.) For people who aspire to live with less, or those with loved ones who aspire to live with less, this can be a complicated topic. What do you give someone who doesn’t want anything? How do you approach gift giving if you don’t want anything, and don’t want to contribute to other people’s clutter? 

If you can come to a mutual understanding and agreement about whether or not to buy gifts, or what type of gifts you’ll be buying, you can prevent a lot of stress during this end of year period (and any other gift-giving occasions). Having conversations about this topic might not always be possible, or even culturally acceptable however. So, in this post I’ll be covering three gift giving situations: before gift giving, gift ideas for minimalists, and what to do with gifts you don’t like.

Before we dive into this post, I want to get you thinking about gift giving and how strange the expectation really is with this video: WATCH. I share it because it’s funny and frustrating at the same time. If we don’t make slow changes we will be stuck in this loop of “gift giving expectations” forever. Hopefully this post will give some guidance on how we might change gift giving (or not giving gifts) to be an enjoyable experience for everyone involved.

Before gift giving

The first step to living with less stuff is to prevent things from coming in in the first place. This is also the case for gifts. Gifts can be a loaded topic and so this might be the most difficult-to-implement part of this post. 

It’s important to communicate with those around you. In this case, it’s useful to try to lay the groundwork well before any gift-giving occasions. Tell people what you are trying to do or why you don’t want any (physical) gifts. 

Some reasons could be:

• The term “minimalism” is known enough now to where you can tell people you’re a minimalist and are trying to live with fewer things.
• You’re downsizing and don’t have space for extra items.
• You have everything you need.
• You’re considering the environment. (this can be an abrasive one so proceed with caution)
• There might be things you are sensitive to so communicate that (I’m sensitive to fragrance so cosmetics are a no-go for me)
• Emphasize that you value the time spent together over any gifts. 
• You can discuss how gift giving makes you feel (there’s stress in finding/wrapping gifts for everyone). Maybe they feel the same and you can start new traditions within that relationship where gifts, or even spending money on each other, are not a central part of how you show each other appreciation.

Some of these reasons work better for some people than others, so use your own judgment and knowledge about what might resonate best with the gift giver. My strategy here is: be direct if you can, and subtle if you can’t. And for what it’s worth, it might take a couple of gift giving cycles to see change, but people eventually will change their habits given time and patience.

A brief note on those “I saw this and I thought of you” gifts: These gifts are often very touching, but can exponentially add to your clutter. If you have people in your life who do this often, I recommend requesting they take a picture of the item to send to you at the moment rather than buying it. It’s special to get a message from others letting you know they thought of you, and allows for spontaneous conversation rather than having to wait until the next time you meet.

At the end of the day, gift giving is more rewarding than gift receiving. Giving gifts makes people feel good. Which brings me to the next point: if you can’t prevent stuff/gifts from coming in, try to influence what is coming in. Also known as “What to give a minimalist.”

Gift ideas for minimalists

This next part works for two types of people: minimalists who need to come up with ideas of things to ask for, as well as people who feel uncomfortable showing up empty handed when hanging out with minimalists.

When I first started living with less stuff, I always felt caught off guard when asked “what would you like for your birthday/Christmas?” I’d say “nothing” but there was something unsatisfying about it. I could see that the other person felt uncomfortable and slightly disappointed. After a couple of interactions like this I started keeping a running list of things that would make me happy to receive, at different price points that wouldn’t add unnecessary items to my home. 

My list also works the other way around: I now have a list of things that don’t add clutter to others’ homes, so I don’t show up empty handed in situations where gifts are (culturally) expected.

The list is divided into three categories: consumables, experiences, and specifics. All of these categories are quite self explanatory but I do want to give some examples to make things as clear and inspiring as possible. I also want to emphasize that with any of these gifts, it’s important to consider the person you’re giving it to: do they have dietary restrictions, allergies, or mobility issues? Considering a person’s specific needs is part of what makes a gift a great gift. 

Consumables - Things to use

^{Photo by Karolina Kaboompics} 

These are things that can be used up or expire somehow. I’m a big fan of consumables as they are a temporary addition to one’s life (and act like an experience). I also talk about using consumables as a form of decor in my post about Decorating with Less. They remind us to enjoy the moment.

Some examples of consumables are:

• Oils, vinegars, or spices (make these small)
• Candies and chocolates
• Fancy coffees or teas
• Baked goods
• Jams, jellies, pickles, or other preserves
• Specialty fruits and vegetables
• Cured meats and fancy cheeses
• Bottles or wine, craft beers, or spirits
• Fresh flowers
• Gift cards (I love these for work events but they are less personal)
• Tread with care when it comes to candles, soaps, and lotions (see video at the beginning of the post)

Like I said before, make sure to keep people’s specific needs and preferences in mind when choosing consumables, and don’t buy too much; it’s the thought that counts. Bonus points if the consumable comes with a nice story about where you got it/who you got it from; the story of the artisan always adds to the magic.

Also, and this was something that was quite difficult for me until just a couple of years ago, if you receive consumables.. actually consume them. No need to let them gather dust for a special occasion. Depending on what’s culturally appropriate, you might even open them and consume them together with the giver.

Experiences - Things to do

^{Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko}

Experiences are things for the recipient to do. There’s a lot of overlap with consumables here. It’s also about living in the moment and when you consume something, you’re technically experiencing it. But let’s not get too caught up in specifics. Experiences are fun things to give and receive because they are usually things people would not buy for themselves, and you can get them at so many different price points. They are also perfect as last minute gifts as there is no shipping, no inventory, and no clutter. Examples are:

• Tickets to a show, movie, museum, or gallery event
• In-person or online classes like cooking, pottery, drawing, golf, or coding
• Unique dinner reservations or tea/wine tasting trips
• Memberships to amusement parks or museums
• Unique experiences like animal sanctuary visits, skydiving, kayaking, or bird watching
• Spa days or massage coupons
• Interior design consulting or personal styling sessions
• Weekend getaways
• Donations to charities the recipient cares about in the recipient’s name

One of my favorite things about gifting experiences is that, if you and the recipient are close, you can join in on the experience and add that extra bit of quality time. It’s also an opportunity for the giver to plan the whole thing, including transportation, to make the recipient feel extra pampered. Just like with consumables, keep the recipient’s specific needs and preferences in mind. 

For the moment an experience is gifted (because it’s intangible), I usually love the idea of adding it to a heartfelt handwritten letter in which you outline why this person deserves the experience and what’s in store. If you specifically need a physical item to give (or wrap), I recommend a small consumable that symbolizes the experience along with a note or tag to explain the bigger idea e.g. A tiny bottle of olive oil for a pasta making class, specialty popcorn for a movie, or a protein bar for a kayaking trip. It could also be a little more creative like giving a carrot or apple wrapped in a bow to symbolize visiting an animal sanctuary.

Specifics - Things you need or want

^{Photo by Tuur Tisseghem}

I love all the ideas above but some people are quite intent on giving “stuff.” In that case it’s best to keep a running list of things you actually want to bring into your life. A lot of people will be very happy to give you the things you’ve asked for so it’s a win-win situation. 

Some of the things you could ask for are:

• Stuff you need (like clothes or kitchen utensils)
• Stuff you want (like perfume, art, or books)
• Replacements or upgrades for things you already own
• Cash in an envelope
• You can of course specifically ask for consumables or experiences. 

If a person wants to surprise you and doesn’t respond well to direct requests, I find that “dropping hints” is a strategy that sometimes works.

I also know of a person who has convinced everyone in her life that she loves gift cards, so now everyone just buys her gift cards. This is a good strategy, just make sure you actually love the thing because you’ll be getting a lot of it! In this case I’d recommend gift cards for digital things like ebooks, video games, and movies. Letting the person who gifted the gift card know you used it and thanking them with a big smiley will reinforce the idea that you love this.

We’ve covered what to give (or ask for), but what happens if you receive things you’re not too keen on?

After gift giving - Mindset around gifts

Rule number one when receiving gifts: say thank you and graciously accept (unless the money has not been spent yet, in that case you can push back a little bit). Like I mentioned earlier, giving a gift is usually more rewarding than receiving one. See the moment of receiving a gift as an opportunity to make the other person feel good too. 

What you do with a gift after receiving it is entirely up to you.The true meaning of a gift is that it’s bestowed voluntarily and without compensation. A gift can be given to show appreciation without strings attached, and there shouldn’t be expectations in return (otherwise it’s not a gift, it’s a transaction). If someone makes you feel otherwise, it’s a good idea to reassess that relationship, because that’s pretty toxic. 

Getting rid of gifts

Now this is going to sound cold, but in my opinion, the best thing to do with unwanted gifts is get rid of them as soon as possible (obviously wait until the giver has left). If you keep unwanted gifts around you’ll feel a pang of guilt or some other negative emotion every time you see it which is not a great way to live. So what can you do with unwanted gifts?

• Return or exchange - If you know the person well enough and feel comfortable communicating that the gift didn’t quite hit the mark, ask for details so you can return or exchange it for something you like better.
• Regift - Perhaps you know someone who would love the gift you’ve received, in that case you can regift it. Just be careful if you’re in the same circles as the original gifter.
• Donate - It can also go into your donate bin, items that are new and unused in their box or with tags on them will make those shopping at the charity shop very happy.
• Sell - If it’s worth the time and energy, you could also try selling it so you can use the money towards something you’d rather have.

In any case, don’t let the person who gave the gift know what you did with it. And vice versa, the gift giver should not ask whatever happened to the gift they gave you, this is the gift-giving dance. 

Final thoughts

There is a lot of guilt around gifts. Thoughts like how the person spent time, energy, and money on you can bubble up and make you feel all sorts of things. At the end of the day giving gifts is about happiness: the happiness of the person giving and the happiness of the person receiving. Let the person giving the item enjoy the moment, and if you don’t feel happy with the gift, there’s no use in having it sit around and remind you of complex emotions. 

It’s okay to get rid of gifts, but influencing whether or what kind of gifts come into your life can make all of this a whole lot less complicated. It might take some work, but over time it’ll reduce the pressure around gift giving and receiving.