One of the most asked questions when it comes to simplifying our belongings is:

How do I get my household or family on board with decluttering?

When you’re motivated and inspired to declutter and simplify your life, it can be incredibly frustrating when you live with people who aren’t on board with the concept. Decluttering your home can feel like a huge task, especially if you're the only one in your household with the drive to do so. You’re already convinced of the benefits of decluttering—from a cleaner living space to reduced stress—but how can you achieve this when your family or roommates resist the change? Let me share how to proceed.

The number one rule:

Never touch someone else’s stuff without their permission. Not to move it somewhere else, and definitely not to get rid of it. This crosses all sorts of lines, from privacy to psychological safety, and it will break trust. No matter how well meaning your actions are, decluttering, and even organizing, someone’s stuff without their consent will most likely increase resistance to your cause.

The psychology of “changing your mind”

Before we dive into how-to’s, I want to pause for a moment at resistance and why it’s so important for you, the initiative-taker, to let go of the idea of trying to get everyone to agree with you.

If you’ve ever talked with someone who has ideas or beliefs that are not aligned with your own, you’ll know it takes effort to stay open minded. And that’s if you’re being consciously open minded. On a day-to-day basis though, our minds are too busy, too cluttered, to actively be open to ideas that might be in direct opposition to our own.

When we are faced with something that activates something deep within us, it’s easier to put up a wall and reject it so that we can go on with all the other stuff we need to take care of, because let’s be honest, we have a lot going on in our minds as it is.

In the case of decluttering, there are many reasons why someone would reject it. From more practical reasons, like not having time, to deeply psychological reasons, like emotional attachment or even trauma, decluttering our stuff is a big deal.

As the initiative-taker, it’s important to understand that just because you’re ready to roll up your sleeves now, you weren’t always in this position yourself. Changing your mind is something that usually happens over time, and more importantly, because you decided it.

It’s not often that we change our mind based on what other people are telling us to do, especially when they make us feel bad or wrong in some way.

Changing someone’s mind cannot be forced. Truly changing the mind comes from surrender, from feeling like it was your own choice. It comes from being inspired, from taking your time to think, feeling empowered, and often, taking time to heal.

So then, how do you inspire people to declutter with you?

Inspiring people to declutter with you

1. Start small and lead by example

Begin by focusing on areas that are solely your responsibility, such as your bedroom, personal desk, or closet. This approach allows you to make significant changes without stepping on anyone’s toes, and it can also serve as a silent demonstration of the benefits of decluttering.

Example: Organize your personal wardrobe and donate clothes you no longer wear. This not only clears out space but also sets a visible standard of tidiness in your home.

As your personal spaces become neater and more organized, you will personally start experiencing the benefits of simplification. This might include quicker cleaning times, getting to stuff more easily, or simply enjoying a more peaceful environment.

As your life gets just that little bit easier and lighter, those around you will get curious or inspired about what you’ve been up to and might follow suit. While it may be difficult, try not to talk about the benefits too much; this can get preachy real quick and create that resistance you’re hoping to soften into curiosity.

2. Communicate and collaborate

Starting in areas that are solely your responsibility is pretty straightforward, and if you’re reading this, you’ve probably already done so. Something I’ve personally run into is having to navigate and operate (like do chores) in shared spaces and being bogged down by clutter.

In the case of shared spaces, with shared chores, it’s important to communicate. You’ll want to hold a household meeting about decluttering and chores where you come to a consensus on the question: How can we declutter in a way that feels comfortable for everyone, so that our chores in shared spaces become easier?

Avoid making it feel like a lecture. Instead, express your feelings about the importance of having a tidy space and ask for their opinions and feelings on the matter. It’s important to use “I” statements to avoid blame and keep the conversation positive and open.

Some other questions you might consider are:

• What is making the chores difficult?
• What about it is making the chores difficult?
• What would you like to ideally see?
• What is making it difficult to make the changes to create a better situation?
• What are other options?
• What are some compromises that can be made?

The goal here is not to “get people to get rid of all their stuff”; it’s to find a balance between organizing and decluttering what’s there, moving things somewhere else, or changing who does what chores so that life can be more streamlined.

If others see the practical benefits, they may be more inclined to participate. Discuss common goals like reducing the time spent cleaning or making the home more guest-ready. This takes the focus off of the problem, “needing to get rid of stuff,” and shifts it to outcomes, which is much more exciting and inspiring.

3. Create personal spaces

Everyone should have a personal space in the home that they control completely. This respects individual preferences while still maintaining general cleanliness in shared spaces. While I’ve covered decluttering the spaces that are your own responsibility, it’s also important to give other people in your household the freedom to clutter up their own spaces.

Come to agreements on which spaces are whose responsibility so that the people in your household don’t feel unnecessary stress and pressure to declutter, while still keeping clutter contained. You can then compartmentalize it for yourself, as you would with “Archive” storage, which I covered in: Active, Passive, and Archive Storage.

Examples of personal spaces are drawers, cabinets, closets, corners, or if you’re so fortunate, entire rooms, where it’s completely okay for people to collect, accumulate, and not tidy to their heart’s content. (Although I would come to an agreement about potential hazards like pests, fire, etc.)

This might be tough for some people who want everything to be tidy and decluttered, but it’s really important to give people the time and space to adapt at their own pace, without feeling like they are bad or wrong.

4. Clear blocks

In some cases, people’s resistance to decluttering might come from "problems that can be solved.” These are things like not having enough time, feeling like it’ll be wasteful, too much effort, or just too exhausting.

These are what I call “practical objections.” Usually, practical objections are the ones that melt away when the people in your household see you decluttering your own stuff and benefitting from the work you’ve put in.

When having conversations about practical objections, it’ll quickly become clear whether objections are actually practical, or whether they are more of a cover-up for a deeper fear or block.

If someone is open to brainstorming practical solutions, like doing a little each day, or letting you do a bunch and having them go over what you think should be gotten rid of, it means the blocks are indeed practical. You can work together to overcome the practical obstacles and make the experience fun and empowering for all parties.

If someone seems to resist even the most practical and straightforward solutions, or doesn’t seem open to brainstorming solutions at all, there’s something deeper going on, and I suggest you take a step back from the conversation. I’ve often been in a position where solutions weren’t the answer; understanding was.

5. Understanding deeply and showing patience

I cannot stress enough the importance of understanding someone deeply when it comes to simplifying life. This goes so far beyond decluttering. But since decluttering is what we are talking about here, I’m focusing on that.

If you ever want to get someone to declutter with you but they are resisting due to "emotional objections," you must first come to a deep, deep understanding of why they don’t want to, before you even try to push the subject further.

In fact, in order to get someone more open to your cause, you have to let go of decluttering being an outcome. Read that again. You have to be completely okay with it not happening. I know this is a bit of a 180 in the middle of a post on how to get others on board with decluttering, but like I said before, you can’t force someone to change their mind.

People who don’t want to do something aren’t going to consider what you have to say, if they feel like you are trying to convince them to do that thing they don’t want. To get someone to listen to you, you have to listen to them. And I don’t mean let them have their say so you can have yours. I mean, let them have their say so they can feel heard, respected, and understood. Listen not to speak, but to fully empathize. Let them convince you, and put yourself in their shoes. Really get to know them.

Decluttering is especially difficult for people who have lost everything before, through disaster or war, for example. It’s difficult for people who grew up with nothing, who had to make everything count. It’s difficult for people who have used their belongings to create an identity that’s made them feel safe, hold on to lost loved ones, or to cover up memories they don’t want to face.

I’m not listing these for you to act like a therapist and uncover these deep waters of the people in your household. I’m saying it so you can have a starting point for understanding and perhaps for conversations, but mainly to help you let go of needing to change people’s minds. I want you to feel completely okay in your patience. I want you to be able to be okay with certain things not being perfect. You owe it to yourself and each other.

Final thoughts

I used to be convinced that all problems could be solved with simplifying and streamlining our lives, and I guess I still feel that way, but simplification has taken on a much deeper meaning to me: it’s getting to the root of why things are the way they are and working with complexity and imperfection to make life easier. Because at the end of the day, that’s really why I simplify, to make life just that little bit easier.

Transforming a cluttered home into a tidy space is challenging, especially when not everyone shares your enthusiasm. Begin by leading through example, organizing your personal spaces, and demonstrating the benefits of simplification. Encourage open dialogues that focus on shared benefits like easier maintenance and a more welcoming home, rather than pushing for immediate, drastic changes.

Always keep in mind that each individual’s readiness to declutter will vary, influenced by unique personal experiences and emotional attachments. Change cannot be forced, but it can be inspired. Remember to tackle this process with understanding and patience—after all, the ultimate goal is to create a peaceful and easier living environment for everyone in the household.